Wednesday, December 9, 2015

A zombie paragraph

Cremation used to be against our religion. All of God's people were to receive a proper burial following the custom of Abraham, David, and Jesus. Then one night our late pastor returned with his favorite deacons in tow, ripped the church door off at the hinges, and killed old Widow Punkard while she prayed.  We cremated him for his own good as much as ours. When Jesus rose from the dead He did it right: with His mind clear and His wounds closed up tight. No one since has pulled it off half as well. So we wrote pyre into the hymnals where grave used to be, and we all sleep better for the change.
Not sure if that paragraph is going to make the zombie story, or even if there will be one.* It just came to me and made me laugh.

* Who am I kidding? Now it's a challenge.


  1. Heh. That's pretty good, and a nice corrective to the "zombie Jesus" foolishness.

  2. Thanks, the style I was shooting for was kind of a Queen Anne's War but with zombies instead of Indians. Not sure I can pull off a whole story that way, though. Historians might like it, but most others would probably not get any of the jokes...

  3. You should definitely finish this.
    You hit the tone perfectly.

  4. I think I'm gonna try, but once I get my Puritan buckle boots on, it's awful hard not to write preachy, self-righteous thoughts like this:

    People always ask why God isn’t doing something about all this Zombie trouble. It’s an idle complaint. During the good times they threw God out of the schools and town squares, even most of the churches. When those things fell apart, the same people complained that God didn’t seem to care about them. We pray with our acts as well as our words, and the Good Lord answers the steadfast. What they received was the divine apathy they incessantly demanded.

    Admittedly, I don't disagree with the sentiment all that much, but that doesn't mean it'll make a good story. I probably ought to make a character sheet for him like you do in D&D and just let him brain dump all this stuff. Then he can act in character and I don't have to make the reader feel like he's in the stocks.

  5. Hmm? Why shouldn't readers feel as if they are in stocks? I consider myself a strong Christian, limited more by my understanding and capacity than faith, and I know I deserve the stocks, maybe more so than the... English, as the Amish might call them. I doubt if I am the only one who would understand and appreciate.

    I do hope you finish it. I'd like to see the picture fully developed and properly framed... if you can get to it. I have started one myself. I did a third of the word count in about 10 minutes. If I can keep it up, then edit, I'll put it in.

    You know, it's funny how when we believe some things, and in them, then say things we think we don't believe but which tend to be on target with our core faith if read well and right (imho)... we often end up saying things we ourselves might not otherwise. *wink* The Spirit can lead the blind to speak rightly. All things are possible in God. Not just servants, but children. Servants though truly too.

  6. I don't know. I'd have trouble singing "Up from the pyre He arose" on Easter.

    But I like the premise.