Thursday, September 24, 2015

Wake me up when September ends, the (almost) final tally

Predictive Programming* fails again.

So anyway, with the Pope talking about the Death Penalty instead of welcoming our new alien overlords, let's run down the latest End of the World that wasn't:

Elul 29:  Rabbi Jonathan Cohn had called Sept 13th (Jewish date Elul 29, the Jubilee day debts are wiped out under Mosaic law) as a date of potential financial wipeout. The last 2 Elul 29s that were also Jubilees (2001, 2008) both marked +6% stock market drops, so this seemed like something of a reasonable bet. Maybe. Stocks are not debts, and so probably don't fall under God's laws of Jubilee. And the market is still going to crash. Just not on Elul 29, which was a Sunday in 2015.

Jade Helm: Obama's secret military takeover of entire Southwest with 1100 soldiers ended on September 15th.  It was so successful that the people of Texas, California, and every square mile between still have no idea they're under martial law.

"500 days to avoid Climate Chaos": People have been counting the days since French Foreign Minster Fabius upgraded Climate Change to Climate Chaos in 2014.  Today is Day 500. We have successfully avoided Climate Chaos and so now the Pope can shut up about it, right?

Some of my best friends are Green: the Pope was supposed to reveal the existence of the other aliens today. Congress already knows about the Mexican ones.  I mean, really. Who does he think roofs their mansions?

Well to hell: CERN's Large Hadron** Collider was today supposed to open a portal to the Abyss and free The Destroyer as per Rev 20:1.  I don't have word on whether that's happened yet.  Check Drudge for updates.

Blood Moons: We still have 4 days until the last of the current tetrad of Blood Moons.  This periodically-repeating natural phenomenon is supposed to mean something or other.  Maybe it will.  Anyway, a lunar eclipse is still scheduled for Sunday, visible in some parts of the world.

Bill Haley, call your office:  While a 2.5 mile wide magical comet or asteroid*** is supposed to land off the coast of  Puerto Rico sometime between the 22nd and 28th, I'm not holding my breath. Besides, it's not really an asteroid, but a false flag nuke designed to break the New Madrid fault line open.

So while September looks like it's going to pass away relatively uneventfully, just like most other End-of-the-World months do, I'm still a little confused.  Not by why all these "insider revelations" and Christian numerology failed to produce any meaningful results, but as to why certain months just seem to collect this sort of lunacy.  And maybe more important, when will the next one be?  

My suspicion is that it might not be as long as the 30 or so months from the last panic.  People can feel something in the air. It's real and it's heavy and it's foreboding. They have just failed to recognize that it's not one huge event: it's a future filled with tragic little events that are going to grind their post-modern, trans-gendered, safe-space world to dust. Save your brass.

* The theory that the world is completely under the control of elites who reveal their plans through popular culture. This video was just one example used to "prove" that September 23rd was The Day. Evan was in Pennsylvania and Jerusalem is half a day ahead.  So September 23rd in Jerusalem started September 22nd, mid day, just like in the movie.  See? See?
**  H-A-D-R-O-N.  I've seen it spelled the other way, but that's just wrong. In more ways than one.
*** The one that we know exactly where it will hit but not what or when. It's almost as if someone doesn't know how these things work.


  1. Huh!?! I could have told you that would all fail. I'm telling you, I don't get to die for a long time. Then again, it could get worse, a lot worse, and I still not die. But end of the worldy stuff just isn't in the cards. I'm just not that damned lucky! I'm not finished suffering. Still, no reason not to prepare for the economic collapse that has no choice but to happen.

  2. you take all the fun out of these things, El Bo.

    1. Dude I totally waited as long as I could.

      Give me a little credit.

  3. well, if you don't mind, i'm going to set my hair on fire and run around in circles for a while.